If I was only allowed to give my children one piece of advice it would be...Just be you.

It is so hard to really just let yourself be yourself because of all of the pressure that is put on you by friends, family, and the world. Ignore it all.

Colson - When you were little you were the happiest little boy I've ever known. What's so funny is that in all reality, you're still a little boy. You just turned 9. But when you were really little you were just you. There was no pressure at all and you felt so free. No you never told  me this, but it was more evident to me than anything I've ever known. 
You loved so fiercely. God - how you loved! When you laughed and smiled you could see every bit of happiness in your soul. It was infinite and it was so contagious. I didn't really know what little boys were made of, until you. I never believed that boys would just naturally love dirt, and playing ball, and could make a gun with sticks before ever really knowing what a gun was. I learned so much from you.
You made me a mom. I told you this just the other day and you asked me if this was true. Silly boy - yes it's true. You made me a mom. You were the first baby to grow inside my tummy and that I held in my arms and that I loved with a love that I had never, ever imagined was possible. You made me a mom, and out of all of the things I am, or have ever been - being your mom makes me the proudest. 
You're only 9 years old. Only 9 years old. Things are so different for a 9 year old than they were when I was 9. I try so hard to protect you and help you stay a little boy for as long as possible. But at the same time I know I'm one of the reasons you have so much pressure. The pressure that's put on me, I unintentionally pass onto you. That's wrong of me. So please fight against that and Just. Be. You!
Be the little boy who's eyes literally sparkle when he smiles, and whose cheeks turn red when he's happy, and who has this precious little dimple in his cheek. Never be afraid to love. Never be embarrassed to hug. Keep being the best big brother I've ever seen. Because you are an amazing big brother to Cayson and to Layton. And they both love you more than I think you know. Be the little boy who just loves to play! Don't be afraid to be silly or goofy or wild or free. Who cares what anyone else thinks. One day you'll realize that you were the cool kid because you weren't afraid to just be you. Just have fun! You don't have to be a superstar athlete, you don't have  to be the smartest kid in your class, you don't have to be anything except you. And just have fun while you're doing it. Just be you because it was you that I fell in love with 9 years ago, and it's you that I will love exactly the same and probably more as you and I go through this amazing life together. Because I will always be here for you. I love you just for being you and I don't want you to be anything more than that.

Cayson - You were the happiest little surprise I could have ever gotten! You were this rolly, polly, puppy dog eyed, cuddly, little pudgy boy. You were the best thing that could have happened to Colson and I. And God planned your arrival just perfectly. I thought I had gone nuts a few times because changing yours and your brothers diapers at the same time, giving you baths at the same time, chasing you around the house at the same time, putting you in the cribs you climbed out of at the same time, and sleeping with you both in my double bed at the same time - it was hard! But I wouldn't have it any other way! 
I couldn't have ever imagined how close you and Colson would be. I could never have dreamed or even understood the type of friends you would be. I love how inseparable you two are. I love how much you love your big brother. I know it must be tough. But you are an amazing little brother. 
You have a laugh that no matter what mood I'm in or how I feel, it literally brings me back to life. It fills my heart with joy. More joy than you will ever know. You are my go with the flow little boy. My shake it off and move on like it never happened little boy. I love you so much. 
I hope you always stay just the way you are. I know that seems silly because of course I hope you grow up and become an amazing man, but I hope you never lose any of the pieces of you that make you who you are. Always be carefree, always have fun, always shrug it off, and always try your best and even when your not "the" best just have fun. Live your life when your older exactly the same way you live your life now. 

Layton - You are this little combination of me, your daddy and your brothers. You are so loud and sometimes serious - like me. You are so goofy and silly - like your daddy. And your so sweet and lovable and precious - like your brothers. You have a long way to go, but in the past 10 months you've reminded me of all of the things that matter in life. You brought my life back into perspective. 
I can't wait to see who you grow up to become, but if I had the ability to freeze or slow time then I would. Because of all the things you've reminded me of, the most important is how fleeting every moment really is. You're my last little boy. I wasn't really prepared for how that would feel. I thought making the decision to not have any more children would be a sigh of relief. But instead it's a little bit of a punch in the gut. 
As I watch you grow up, the little things like you crawling for the first time, saying Mama or Dada and like tonight taking your first steps - it sends me through this wave of emotions that I never expected. I'll never see one of my babies do those things again. These moments are amazingly happy first and sad lasts for me. 
I love you Layton. And I am so proud to be your mom. Thank you for reminding me of what matters most in life.